But Some times that wont work out. We would be deeply depressed about we did. At last there wont be a chance for the regrets.
Chapter - 4
Happiness All around
All the lesson we achieved will always make us think different. We have to move on diffrent level. As far as possible must keep ourselves happy.
That thought has makes diffrent in me.
Another big transformation of life occurs.
I started enjoying chilling out with friends.
Chilling out means at the high point.
Making variety of destination to be reach in all off days...
Making our own situations to feel happy...
Creating abnormal illustrated moments...
We really make some big memories. Yes my friends.
The fanstic Fours.
They were my world and joy of happines. They always fell deeper into my heart after the each day. All the "freak" things happen only because of them.
I enjoyed the transformation from teenage to adulthood. All things whatever it is, was happen for fun. Not happen it is clearly intentionally made for fun. And we dont have no regrets on it.
I still remember each and everything came into my life, which i though i could never do.
There is one famous quote that "Marriage is nothing but all about loosing virginity "
But that is all wrong in my life. Virginity has loose in the early life of my adulthood.(plz dont ask too much questions abt it)
Dont ever underestimate me, i was realy having a good time. But at the point of one time . It was also came to boredom. You know sometime the only one activity you are doing all time will make no sense. Even though it has gone diffrent types levels. I make an end decesion to it.
I remember it was that time another kind of "freak" come to our agenda.
Puffing Around weed makes our every moment like heaven. I swear " once i have seen the God when i put that ashes off"
Omg!! What a moment that was!!
You know every fun doing everyday will make adict to it. So we have given a gap for it. Not all time we are having smoke. Occasionally we had plan to do that. But in some days that "occasionally" came every day. I wont say we were addict to it. But we are enjoying the moment.
As we all know happiness wont travel with us so long. In one way the other the fantastic Fours were splited. Everyone miss placed. But i remain there.
Everything gone. Life full blank.
There is no destinations....
There is no way for fun..
There is no moments of happiness..
Got Insane
But Memories Remains.....
Yet another happiness find the grave.
The bright light gone... And the DimLight was replaced to life.
It was that time chatting makes feels cool to all frustration.
Especially chatting to strangers nearby is always fun. Some of them will be genuine. But most of them are bloody fakes.
New way of enjoyment came to life "flirting". And i always love flirting. Sometimes having a dirty mind makes an ordinary conversation much more interesting.
Every movement fun time chatting with these girls was new different experiences.
But I was feeling for some real experiences. And i was trying that for to. Not through chatting. But through direct experience.
I was searching for it. Ya its really Weired thinking & its very difficult, but still i want it.
Near to my office there is School. In front that school there is a hotel. It was from that hotel am having food. After having food we would gather in front of school. There was a girl who always cross the road and will pass through the way we always stand. I had notice her. She is beautiful, lovely smile & super long hair. When she always pass nearby me i always put strange sounds to grab her attention. But I failed always. She know that very well, it was intentional doing just for her.
Once when I sounds she look at me. May be she wanted to know who was making that sound. Yes course she see me doing that.
Ya i win thats all i want.
Still she was going the same way. One day i go behind her, Her house is nearby. She had no brothers. Father & mother are working here itself.
I aimed her...
I set my goals....
I know its not like chatting. Its difficult.
But still told myself "we are doing it"
She started looking at me always when she pass through. She know that i was coming there only to see her.
I think all girls like that Guys looking at her to try to fall her.
Whatever it is I just love the way she looking at me, smiling.
Once May be because of my friend force me to do, i stopped her on her way and i said
"please don't smile at me like this, i don't want love you, i don't want to follow you all days. I don't want to see you again and again. But i am afraid that all these could happen, think about it, i will be here itself "
Her face gone bad. Angry face.
Next day she came in front and move way from me and walked off. The other day also same thing occur.
I stiil remember that holiday, I couldn't see her. I got frustrated.
Next day when she was above to pass away from i catch her hand and asked about the decision. Suddenly she cried. I just think that "what i had done" omg!!! I said "stop crying. I don't want to see you crying. I always want to see to you smiling. If you don't want this to continue, i wont never repeat it" by saying i walked away from her.
She gone... She also walked away.
I thought it was the end of everything.....
Next day i promise myself to not go there. But u know sometimes our heart will never obey. I still find another place to see her.
Omg!!!! What i have seen was the great scene. She was really searching me around. But she could not find me, because only i can see her from that place. I felt really happy.
But for two days i controlled myself & i didn't go. still It was very difficult for me.
Next day i find that same position. I just confirmed that she was really looking me around. Yes she was looking me around still...
I decide to move to the way where she always go to her house. And i tried to make that same sound again to attract to my direction. But she didn't hear first, she immediately look at me when sound the second one. I laughed at her, she also smiles at me. I walked beside her and asked why she search me around that days. Still that questioned wasn't answered. !!!!
i opened my Facebook app and tell her to type her name and send her a request. And i said " reach home safe & and accept me. i will be waiting.
Yahooooo!!!!! she does it ....
That was a beginning....
we texted each other so long,
she gave me her number,
we came in whatapp,
And then slowly i started calling...
we started get to know each other,
we shared our instant photos.
I was wandering that she is crazy just like me.
"we always get closer to the mad persons who is same mad as ourself."
our all thinking & thoughts were same....
Vedio calls we done had make us too naughty, and make us shameless within ourself. But these days i wasnt able to see her, because our Flat was shifted to other place. She wants to see me. And she also had a plan for that too.
Friday Off,
one of the safest Malls here.
Yes i agreed.
she said some excuses in her home and came there. It was that time i really enjoy the warm and firsknes of love. I think we were making love that time. i haven't enjoyed kisses like that ever before. After a long warm hug she gone, but still i feel her beside me. That was an beatiful evening for me.
We had quite number of dating & "Hot" Coffee on the same place, even the CafeCenter Peoples get friends with us.
Those were happy Days.....!!!
Into my Darkness unexceptedly she came with a bright light
"She took my sleep away
She gave brightness to my nights
She makes my dreams colorfull...
She makes my Day Beatiful....
Happiness all around"
Chapter - 5
Love is Always Like Tasting the Sun
As always i say "No Happines will hold long" .
Love is always like sun. when we see it from a distance, its beautiful. But just think what will happen if we get a chance to touch it.
i think so... And in my Situation is Correct too.
Love is Season in my life. As the season change its all over.
Ya what i am say is....
That was the my Bad day.
On the same mall we usually get meet, we are having some "Hot" Coffees. One of my friend happen to see me. I wonder, when he came near to us. Her face gone worried and she gone panic. He said that he is one of the closest friend of her Cousin brother, Eventhough he knows me just for few months, their friendship is much bigger than i expected, she knows him very well. I said to my friend that
"Nothing is her problem. Everything is only because of me, don't hurt her" .
On the very next day her cousin brother & my friend came to see me. Her cousin was throwing harsh words on me and he was very angry. And warn me to not to see or contact her again.
I said that "ya offcourse i wont contact her anymore, it was not a big relation at all, dont take it seriously, i wont see her again... But dont hurt her...
Still he was not cool down. But someway he gone after warning serveral times.
I promised.
But i swear myself to not to go and see her. My heart is always outspoken, wont obey me.
Next day also i gone there, but i see her father picking up her..
She was fully traped & secure by their parents.
i Closed that chapter and put the Book closely inside my heart.
Ya i know it wasn't a big Deal. We were enjoying our times. But somehow in those moments we had fallen in love each other. I know still that wasn't a true love, but somewhere in my heart says that " i was in love".
It was that time my vaccation time came. And i was very much curious about for going back to my Own Land.
Malls, Shoping , Purchasing had started to make me forget everthing. And the time has come. I land my Place.
Everthing seems to be very Small for the first 3days,
Roads, Cars, my house even my father seems to be very small... Lol!!!
But after 3days the i was back in Action.! Full busy with friends, gettoghther, meetings.
And i loved my meeting my fanstatic Four . And we recreate all things which we have done.
The most importantly we were back to bobMarley seeds.
And i enjoyed driving after a smoke. Omg!! It was first in my life time i have reached 120km/hr in my bike.
I have gone through a super days with my friends. They always keep me notify that i alive for happiness. Spending time with them always happen to see fun in the end.
Near to my cousin home i have seen our childhood friend. She looks gorgeous now. Oh my god!! She changed a lot. Her attitude make me feel attractive. She gave me her number and tell me to call when i am free...LoL!!
"Am in vaccation, and all time is free for me."
Ya i alwAys call her. She also like that. Slowly, it has gone to another level. First it was just like friendly talk... But later we started flirting not flirting it was a pure dirty mind sex talk. She also enjoyed a lot.
Christmas Gone.... It was happy with my family......
Now it was the time of newYear....
I planned to goto carnival & newYear celebration with my fantastic four. But suddenly planned changed my cousin call me that they are having Residence Association Celebration there. I said i will come.
He was calling me for buying beer from beverage. Again i promise him will come n 30mts.
By seeing my eyes itself he understand that i have smoked the Holy weed. My elder brother was also was there. He scold me driving bike .
We collect all beverages for the newYear Night.......
And it was the celebration Time!!!!
Uff!! Cool , all are outside none of them inside home. All peoples gathered their for the celebration. Beer drive me crazy. I was at high. My friend also was there. She also had couple of drinks with us....
It was a open party Floor. Full of dance and boozing.....
In between she gone to her house, but her family was full their at party.
And then i got a call which was from her cellphone. I took it and ask her to join the party. But ask me to come to her house. I didn't said to anyone, i slipped from party and reach her home. I asked her to bring some water. She bring the water , then i asked why she call me to home. She suddenly came near to me. And started kissing me. Beer inside me couldn't control that. That was the great NewYear to me. When everybody celebrating newYear eve. I was having romance inside her home. All over, both of us couldn't imagine that we would go crazy like this. Staying there makes me afraid and escaped from her house and join the party.
Next Morning tension starts, everything suddenly happen. I shared this incident with my cousin. He was really staring at me for what i have done. He couldn't believe that within short time I could do this. He said her story. I came to know that i am not the first person of her life. Lol!! That was a cooling point for me. But still i was wondering that i have done it. Bullshit!!!!
I swear i would never meet her again. After that everything was normal. Again busy schedule with friends.
Days were going fast.
Puchasing, shopping Malls, cinema everything was chilled out. Time has arrived, now going back to officials. Enjoyment everthing gonna end here.
Yes Flew from there reach my official destination Safely. Once again i miss everything which i enjoyed last 2 months. Especially The fantastic four.
Here also i have good friends but not as "mind" like Fantastic Four.
Once again i Felt Alone.
And it was that time i happen to see her in a mall. She talk to me. She was normal, but i got shocked & afraid. She said text me when i am free. I said OK but in my mind i had decided to not text. But i was triggered after seeing her. Her Voice was still in her mind. Yes i have done that. I text her. she asked me to call her. so i call her, she said that she miss me a lot. she don't wanna lose me like that. i said that " No i have promise to brother not to call her or not to see her". she was literally crying. She said she wanna see me at least for the last time.
Unfortunately after seeing her my mind change. i was back to romance. she said that she will call me whenever she is free. i said OK , and i warn her to be safe always".
Like that so many days gone. Love has makes me kind & sensitive. I was Ready to do everything for her. Still in mind one decision was pending " did i love her sincerely". I haven't get an answer.
So one-day she call me and said that she alone. Her father & mother gone to Dubai after two days only they will come. Then i asked about her brother. She said he is not staying here and wont come here tonight because he is having night site work.
i jumped to her house. (i wont say what happen there.)
"even trees shiver in winter cold
while blood freeze in high cold
while body needs hot air to breath
we both come closer in one bedsheet"
we know each other more. We both spend hours each other. Even-though in my mind it was saying that " you are doing wrong". This time i didn't obey my mind. But still it was good time for me. While returning to my flat she said me for the first time " I Love You". i was really spechless, still that time i was in state of another world. Once she said that , i got afraid & confusion in this bad path, But she was trusting me.
"this is enough for me,this is enough,
nothing else I want,
you are enough."
i Couldn't understand my mind, i haven't utter any word. I was thinking about her. How deeply she love me...
it was hard to believe that i also love her too.
"Ya i got you
you've got eyes
I'm gonna see my dream
in your eyes."
Then I Planned, to give her an amazing welcome to my life....
I was waiting her near school. unfortunately i didn't find her.
I planned that same for the next day. Still she was not there.
I felt some False smell.
After a week also i didn't see her.
I go and see near her house, nobody was there. I find my friend (who is a friend of her brother). From he i got an information she send to her native place.
!!!!! Their parents caught her with someone else !!!!!
What???? Caught her with someone else!!!
It was that time he is telling the story....
She has quiet no.of relation her. And i am one of them. Omg!!!!!
I gone full blank!!! She couldn't believe.! I didn't understand anything. She was everytime with me.
She was okkie for whatever i am!! She know who am i? What am i? Moreover she was not bother about who am i?? But she was bother about what the love of mine. How can she do this to me.
I couldn't imagine.
Days gone....
One month passed away..
Times left....
I got a call from my place, as usual i cut the call and dial that number. Shocked!!!
That was she!!! I asked her what happen??
She told me that her brother see me going from her house that night! But he didn't see me. He asked her about that, but she didn't day anything about me. When her parents came also she didn't utter a word. They hurt them madly & brutally still she didn't say my name. I asked her why you didn't say my name. If she say my name they may react badly,
And she said another onething, she is suffering their....
And immedialtly she cut the call.
After 2 3 days someOne came to my office and asked about me. The person came have my number. I understand, it will be her brother. I got his number from my friend. I call him, but he was out of range. On the next day my friend call me and said the he gone to his native place and there is a Bad NEWS
" she commit suicide"
She was gone through abortion(dont ask me about "how its happen"), because of that she was shame and was full of depressed. And all the harasment from her parents & cousins made her to do that.
All my Love is leaving me behind...
its my fate, i am a loser....
My life would stop moving....
no one is there for me....
she didn’t even think of me....
Here once again i failed...
this time i am the Villon...
i really killed her..... i was suppose to protect her, i was ready to care.... she flew away by killing herself....
Even-though i am not the reason behind her suicide, i feel guilty, may be i am also one of reason for that...
I dont know what to do now.....
I was totaly shocked!!!!
i share this to my close friend,
he said " Yesterdays cannot be revised, it happens already. But tomorrows Pages are Blank try to write something Good & make an inspiring Life" . He was literally upset with my present mood, he advice & force me to come out it.
"world is full of ladders
will rise on every failure.....
buy what you like
ignore what you hate
its new flood and new river
lets swim and see."
Yes there are some things which is beyond our plans, it may happen suddenly, very fast without our knowledge. At that time we may not have any chance to regret. we can't predict our life right? what we have to do is just face it....
We can't Calm the storm So stop Trying...
we can wait until Storm to pass Way, But i have to wait....
what we can do is walk away through storm by placing umbrella and reach the destination...
Every end is a new beginning...
For every dark night there's a brighter day..
Keep going... it will all make sense soon enough....
what we have to do is wait & never give up....
Sometimes you just have to die a little inside
in order to be Reborn & Rise again as a
Stronger & Wiser version of You...
Like Phoenix...
Hope rises like a Phoenix from the ashes of shattered Dreams
- S.A. Sachs
I am like Phoenix, I rise from the ashes...
